Saturday, July 26, 2008

Wadda week!

Back from old Cape Cod and bam! Things started hitting the fan. First we came home to what smelled like a dead body in the mud room. Opened the mud room freezer and phew....obviously the refrigerator had been off for most if not all of the week. Crabmeat, ice cream, chicken, etc all in....well you get the picture. Not pretty. I am thinking that I could work for CSI now.

After that delight, we had the awesome time of trying to get the AC back on. Blew warm air all night. Yes....right in the middle of the heat wave in the Northeast. Made us grumpy and grouchy right from the get go.

Monday am, DH started throwing up as I went back to work. I went back and wham! Got hit there as well. Two more resignations...ugh. Two more openings...ugh. Anybody want a job??

Tuesday, DH is no better, but of course, did he call the dr?? Yes, and he asked for directions too, after he decided he didn't need to hold the remote! Of course, keep in mind that I am trying to wade through the laundry 15 loads of it. Towels, sheets, beach towels....picture the mound next to the washing machine. But, the AC is finally fixed!

Wednesday, DH is worse. I tell him as I leave for work to call the dr. Assuming that certainly he would heed my advice, since I was less than nice about waiting on him hand and foot for the THIRD DAY! 3:30 I call from the beltway asking what the dr. said. Silence on other end. I thought it was the hail storm that was dinging my car and I had a dropped call. But no! He hadn't called again. Well, let's just suffice it to say he had called by the time I arrived home at 6:30. Of course, at 3:30 it is SO very easy to obtain an appointment for that same day, so he is still at home, hurling and making us all miserable.

But at least he had chatted with someone medical, okay so it was the receptionist, but she "represents" medical. Was told if he got worse to call 911. and go to the ER.

Now you need to realize in the 20 years we have been together, he has called me 3 other times to transport him to the hospital. Picture this......DH home in bed after 4-5 days of sick.....Me, I am at work 45-60 minutes away. He calls ME to take him to the ER at a hospital that is 30 minutes north of us. SO....if you are good a math you have just figured out on your own that 1 hour 15 minutes to 1 hour 30 minutes of travel time will be needed, just so you can have the pleasure of digging out the old insurance card and prompt service. Each time, I say " Hmmmmm, wouldn't it make sense to call the ambulance to take you?" . Response each time, "well I would be embarrassed " or "I don't want to bother them(!)" Each time, I am so dumbfounded by the "maleness" of the comment, I get in the car, prepared for the long drive to the ER.

So imagine this time, when at 8:00 in the evening he looks at me and says, " I think I need to go to the ER." my loving response. I think, "what an idiot" No, I think I said it, but anyway, rather than try and finish a load of laundry or sleep, I decided to shut my very large mouth and go with the flow.

So now, we get to the ER where everyone in York who speaks spanish is there using the ER as their primary health provider, as well as a couple who is screaming obscenties at each other, two babies screaming their heads off, lots of "leg and ankle injuries" and an elderly man who drove himself him (MALE!!!) after he fell and blacked out. You see, the waiting room was full and you can't help but hear everyone's story. So much for HIPPA!

After the couple arguing were hauled off by security after she belted him, one of the little kids stopping screamin momemntarily, the elderly man fell asleep in a wheelchair, we were there in the waiting room watching reruns of "urkel". Remember that horrible, yet oddly funny sitcom from the 90's?? Well, we were forced to watch three episodes before three families left, running screaming from the room. Wait, it gets better....then we had to watch some stupid reality show that was tame to what we were watching in real life. I almost wished I could lapse into a coma myself, but the child behind me wouldn't stop screaming. (We have now been there 3 hours....only stopped momentarily for a small cat nap...then rev ed up for part duex!)

I then look at my husband and I don't say, "do you think you will call the ambulance next time?" or even "do you think you might call the dr. sooner?". I take pride in that. I look at him and ask if he wants to stay or if he wants me to start searching for something sharp to make him start bleeding. Bleeding in the ER gets faster service, I have noticed. It can't be a trickle, but a real "holding a towel to it" type of wound. We would have gotten in then. (Make note to call my friend the actor to get stage blood for next ER visit)

So, as we all sit there hunkering down for a long summer's nap, a trauma comes in via helicopter. Nice. Now I am all about saving lives, but hey! We have been there for three frigging hours and the most entertainment I have it watching my DH hurl in the emisis basin. Oh, okay. We let the trauma go first. But, they owe us.....

So at 1:00 am my DH's name was called. I came out of my stupor long enough to say to him, "hey I think that's you!" and to starting running with the wheelchair towards a nurse who looks like she has just spent the last 24 hours working the ER. I can't believe....we are in the door! I feel like we have won the lottery.

Of course, the history is taken, repetitively, by interns, residents and med students ('s JULY !) and DH is now in prone position on the comfy bed in the ER where the lights are at least 400 watt and the noise is at least 90 db. Hmmmm....great place to rest.

Being so excited we were about to be seen by a real dr. who can make real decisions, at 1:30 we were left alone.....apparently to contimplate life. Dr. Came in at 2:18, but hey who's counting....and ordered the CAT scans, blood work and all the other delights soon to entertain my DH. Of course, that depends on the lab workers and all those other worker bees that do all that worker bee stuff that the dr. needs. Finally at 4:30 DH was hauled to radiology and I simply wanted to curl up in the place were his bed had been. I was now getting punchy....and hungry. I hadn't eaten dinner so the 1 ounce of Fritoes from the machine that cost $1.00 was heaven sent. MMMMM good!

I sit down and wait once more for DH to reappear so I can tell him I am out of there, because by this time, one of the students/interns/residents had made it clear that he was staying for a while. I didn't look at my watch, but left the hospital as the sun was starting to peek up over the parking lot.

Yep, we need some healthcare reform, but first, I want to take a nap. Obama or McCain, they are going to need some help. Oy!

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